


There Are No Words

by CoffeeKitten



Category: B.A.P
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-01 20:48:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10929762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeKitten/pseuds/CoffeeKitten
Summary: Himchan is in love with Jongup, but Jongup doesn't know how he feels. Things are weird ever since they came back.





	1. Chapter 1

Himchan glared at his reflection in the mirror lightly pinching at his cheek.

“You’re doing it again,” came a soft voice from behind him.

“Am not,” He replied dropping his hand to his side.

“Don’t try to lie when I saw you.” Jongup wrapped his arms around Himchan’s waist and squeezed lightly burying his face in the older man’s shoulder. Himchan could feel his warm breath on his back, and relaxed into the embrace. He crossed his arms over Jongup’s and closed his eyes for a moment.

A door opening caused the two to jump apart. The voices of their other members drifted in from the entrance. Jongup left quickly so the others wouldn’t seem him leaving Himchan and Yongguk’s room. It left Himchan to wonder alone.

He knew how he felt about Jongup and had expressed it in the best ways he knew how, but Jongup had either never noticed or didn’t reciprocate. Lately, though, they found themselves in these weird yet comforting embraces when they were alone. When another member showed Jongup would leave immediately and act like nothing had happened. It was driving Himchan crazy.

Himchan was still staring at the door Jongup had disappeared through when Yongguk walked in. “It’s time to eat.” He noticed the far off look in Himchan’s expression and closed the door so they could have some privacy. “Are you okay?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Himchan said as he sat on his bed. Yongguk leaned back against the door and crossed his arms waiting for Himchan to frame his thoughts. “I… I can’t tell if Jongup likes me.”

“Of course he likes you. Everyone does.”

“You know what I’m mean.”

“Oh.” Yongguk ran a hand through his short hair awkwardly. It was rare that Himchan brought up this subject. Of course Yongguk knew how Himchan felt for Jongup. Yongguk was the one Himchan confided in the most. He was the one Himchan could trust with his feelings.

“It’s just been so weird lately.” With a huff Himchan laid back and stared at the ceiling.

“What do you mean?”

“He’s… He’s been… I don’t know how to put it. But it’s only when we’re alone. Whenever someone else appears it’s like nothing has happened. Just before you guys walked in he was all cuddly and sweet but as soon as the front door opened he ran away.”

“Hmm…” Yongguk wasn’t sure how to comfort his friend. “How long has it been happening?”

“Since we moved back.”

“Hmm…”

There was a loud banging on the door. Yongguk turned to open it. “Hyung, the food is all set out. Are you two eating or not?” Daehyun’s head poked into the room. “Himchan hyung, are you feeling okay?”

“He’s fine,” Yongguk answered for him. “We’ll be out in a second. Tell the kids to start without us.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” Daehyun disappeared again and Yongguk turned back to Himchan. “You know if you really want to know what’s going on in that boy’s head it’s better to ask him. Try talking to him. I can get the kids out of the way for a while tomorrow if you want?”

“Thanks, but I have no idea what’d I even say. I’ll figure something out sooner or later. Let’s just go eat.”

 

* * *

 

“I think there’s something wrong with me.” Jongup stared down at his hands. He was sitting on the couch while Junhong laid in front of him on the floor playing with his phone.

“Probably,” Junhong rolled over to look up at him. “Oh you’re being serious. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.” Junhong stared at him expectantly, but there were no words left in Jongup’s mind. Just the image of Himchan’s sad expression as he looked at his reflection. In that moment Jongup had acted on instinct when he wrapped his arms around the older man.

They hugged before. They hugged a lot actually. Himchan was very affectionate towards all the members. So why was Jongup feeling so weird about their recent embraces?

“Hyung?” Jongup blinked focusing once more on Junhong who had sat up. “Did something happen?”

“No, I’m just tired. I should probably just go to bed.” He left the maknae to stare after him. Really he just wanted to be alone, or at least he thought he wanted to be alone.

Jongup was so out of it that he didn’t even notice the leader until he walked right into him. It looked like he was sneaking out of his and Himchan’s room.

“What are you doing, Hyung?” Yongguk held a finger up to his lips and pulled Jongup into the next room which Jongup and Youngjae shared. “Is something wrong?”

“Himchan’s not feeling well.”

“Is he sick?”

“Not exactly, but I don’t think he needs me hanging around. I’m not sure what to say to him so it’s been a weird night.” Jongup cocked his head in confusion. “Don’t worry he’ll be alright. Get some sleep.” Yongguk left probably heading into the living room.

Jongup stared at the door wondering what would make things weird between Yongguk and Himchan, but was soon interrupted from his thought as Youngjae entered the room. Youngjae was startled when he saw Jongup just standing in the middle of the room spacing out.

“Yah! Jongup what are you doing?”

Jongup shook himself back to reality. “Going to sleep.”

“Most people sleep in a bed, not standing.”

“Right.” Jongup quickly got into his bed and buried his face in the blanket.


	2. Chapter 2

Himchan lay in his bed staring up at the ceiling. Even though it was dark in the room he knew that it was morning. It was time to face the day.

 _Maybe I should take Yongguk up on his offer._ He thought to himself. _No. That might make things worse._

With a sigh he sat up. There was no use in worrying over something that may or may not be going on. Himchan grabbed a towel and started for the bathroom to take a shower. The dorm was quiet. _Everyone must still be sleeping._

After his shower Himchan moved quickly back to his room with a towel wrapped securely around his waist. He paused at the mirror. His brow furrowed as he lightly poked at his stomach. It’s not that he hated the way he looked, but he couldn’t help but wish for something else. He turned away not wanting to look anymore and got dressed.

When he eventually got out into the living room Yongguk, Junhong, and Daehyun we’re sitting on the couch. He could also hear the shower going so Jongup and Youngjae were awake too. Yongguk smiled as he entered.

“Better today?”

“Yeah. I guess I just needed sleep,” Himchan started towards the kitchen to get something to drink.

“Were you sick last night, hyung?” Junhong called after him.

“Something like that.”

“That’s weird. Jongup hyung was weird last night too. Did you guys eat something strange while we were gone?”

Himchan nearly dropped the glass he was filling. “What do you mean Jongup was weird last night?” He tried to sound casual. No one but Yongguk knew.

“I don’t know. He just seemed kind of out of it.”

“He’s always out of it,” Daehyun scoffed. “I swear that kid lives in the clouds.”

Himchan returned with his glass of water, and leaned against the far wall away from the others.

“No it was different. Something was different.”

“What was different?” Jongup entered with a towel in hand rubbing at his wet hair.

“Never mind,” Yongguk cut in before anyone else could speak. “Our afternoon schedule got canceled so after practice we have free time.”

Daehyun perked up. “We should go karaoke. We haven’t gone in such a long time.” Junhong nodded beside him. “I’m sure Jae would want to too.”

“That sounds fun,” Jongup sat on the floor next to the couch.

“I’m game for whatever the kids decide,” Himchan said. Yongguk gave him a look that he wasn’t sure of the meaning. “What?” Himchan mouthed. Yongguk shook his head.

* * *

 

The room they were in was all lights and loud music and the smell of alcohol. Jongup sat quietly watching Daehyun and Youngjae belt into their microphones. The two were very obviously drunk but still managed to hit the right notes. I guess that’s what it means to be main vocals.

Jongup looked around at the others. Junhong was sitting cross legged on the floor mesmerized by Daehyun and Youngjae’s performance. Himchan and Yongguk sat on one of the small couch whispering back and forth and occasionally smiling like parents at the two vocalists.

When the song ended the room erupted in cheers and slightly slurred ‘thank you’s. Youngjae fell onto the couch next to Jongup laughing.

“Uppie~ you take a turn!” He tried forcing a mic into Jongup’s hand but the younger just pushed it away.

“I haven’t drank nearly enough to want to follow you guys up,” he joked.

“Then drink more!” Daehyun pushed a bottle at him.

Jongup locked eyes with Himchan who had stopped conversing with Yongguk to watch the others gathered around Jongup. Jongup’s heart jumped as he met those dark eyes. _What’s wrong with you?_ He asked himself.

He broke the contact and gulped down what was left of the bottle that Daehyun had handed him. It burned his throat a little.

“Yeah! That’s how it’s done!” Daehyun cheered. “Now get up there and sing!”

This time he didn’t refuse the mic that was pushed towards him. He wanted to lose himself in the music and the warm feeling that was spreading through his veins, and to forget the weird way Himchan’s eyes had made him feel.


	3. Chapter 3

“Channie I think the kids have had enough to drink,” Yongguk stood over the half asleep members as they were practically piled on top of one another on the couch.

“I think you’re right. We should probably get them home. I’ll grab two and you grab two.” Yongguk pulled Junhong and Daehyun up off the couch and started to lead them out, leaving Youngjae and Jongup to Himchan. Jongup was easy enough to handle but Youngjae tended to get fighty when he was plastered.

“I can walk myself!” Youngjae tried to push away from Himchan nearly knocking the three of them over in the process.

“Yah! Calm down! You most certainly can’t walk yourself now shut up.” Himchan pulled Youngjae back to his shoulder.

“You okay back there?” Yongguk called back as he half dragged Daehyun and Junhong down the street.

“Jae is a sucky drunk!” Himchan yelled back. He was answered by Yongguk’s deep laugh. Himchan did his best to keep up with Yongguk while also trying to keep Youngjae’s flailing to a minimum, but it wasn’t long before he gave up and told his friend to just go ahead without him.

Youngjae’s elbow smacked into Himchan’s cheek destroying what little patience Himchan had left.

“That’s it!” He forced Youngjae to sit on the curb and then pushed Jongup down next to him. “You two stay right there. If you have moved so much as an inch when I get back I will personally escort you to the gates of Hell!” Himchan stormed his way into a convenience store across the street.

“Hello! Can I help you with anything?” the man behind the counter asked. He was a little too happy for how late at night it was and it soured Himchan’s mood even more.

“My friends are drunk,” He tried to keep is voice smooth but it came out a bit snappy. The clerk looked surprised. “I’m just getting them water.” Himchan walked back to the coolers and pulled out two large bottles of water. He paused in front of the ice cream case.

What better way to get Youngjae to do his bidding than bribery? Jongup was easy to handle as he didn’t do anything when intoxicated, but Himchan grabbed two ice creams (one for each) and walked up to the counter.

“Looks like the starting of a bruise on your cheek,” the clerk comment as he scanned the items.

Himchan groaned, “I’ll kill him if it does.”

“Drunk friend?”

“Yeah…” After paying Himchan quickly walked back to where he had left the younger members. Youngjae was slouched against Jongup’s side snoring slightly. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Jongup looked up at him and put a finger to his lips. He took the water bottle Himchan offered him and sipped on it. With a heavy sigh Himchan sat next to Jongup on the curb.

“I’m sorry, hyung,” Jongup’s voice was barely above a whisper, but with the quiet night Himchan had no trouble hearing him.

“It’s not you. It’s Jae that’s a difficult drunk.”

“I’m not much help though.” Jongup leaned his head on Himchan’s shoulder, and Himchan stiffened. _He’s just tired,_ he tried to reason with himself.

“Yah, Uppie, don’t you fall asleep too.” Jongup just hummed. They sat in silence for a while. Himchan passed one of the ice creams to Jongup and opened the other for himself seeing as Youngjae was fast asleep. Snooze you lose.

“Hyung?”

“Yeah?” Himchan tried ignore the knot that tightened in his stomach when he felt Jongup’s breath ghost across his neck.

“How do you know when you like someone?”

Himchan nearly choked. “Wh-what?”

“Do you like anyone, hyung? Like more than a friend?”

Himchan took a deep breath trying to calm his heart. “Why do you ask?”

“Hmm… I was just wondering. You didn’t answer me though.”

“It’s just a feeling in your gut I guess. When you see someone you just feel different.” Himchan stared at a small crack in the road. He focused on it like his life depended on it. His hands were shaking.

“Do you get that feeling around someone?” Jongup leaned away to look at Himchan’s face, but the older man refused to look away from the road.

“Yeah, but I don’t think they’ll feel the same.” Himchan glanced down at his watch. It was nearly three in the morning. He needed to get them back to the dorm before Yongguk started to worry. “We should get going. It’s getting pretty late.”

“Ok.” Jongup tried his best to help drag the sleepy Youngjae back to the dorm, and Himchan did everything he could to avoid eye contact. _Jongup is drunk. That’s why he was asking. He’s just drunk,_ Himchan kept chanting to himself.

 

* * *

 

Jongup woke the next morning with a splitting headache. Across the room he could hear the faint groans coming from Youngjae. His memory of last night was fuzzy and it hurt to try and remember.

The door burst open with a loud bang against the wall. Both Jongup and Youngjae whined loudly in protest and pulled the blankets over their faces.

“Good morning, kids!” Himchan yelled, earning more protests from his hungover members. “The sun is shining and we have a full day of practice ahead of us. Get up and shower. A hangover does not exempt you from practice.”

Jongup peaked out from under his covers and watched as Himchan placed two glasses and some pain killers on the table next to him. Himchan glanced over at him and smiled. Jongup covered his face again as his heart rate picked up. He could feel the heat on his cheek.

The night was slowly coming back to him. “Hyung?” Jongup’s voice was muffled by the blanket.

“What is it?” Jongup felt the dip as Himchan sat on the edge of his bed.

“I’m sorry if I was weird last night. I’m not sure why I asked all those questions.”

“It’s fine. I was just surprised.”

“Will you two shut up,” Youngjae groaned.

“No. Get up and get ready. If I come back here and you aren’t up in ten minutes I’m sending in Dae. Who you’ll be happy to know doesn’t have a hangover and is in a great mood.” Youngjae just groaned again.


	4. Chapter 4

Practice was noticeably rough on the younger members. It wasn’t a very productive day of dance rehearsal, considering their lead dancers could barely open their eyes and their movements were slow and awkward. Yongguk eventually gave up and told everyone to just work individually. He dragged Junhong out to practice his rap, and Daehyun and Youngjae wandered off to practice the new song.

That left Himchan and Jongup alone in the dance room. Himchan sat against the wall opposite the mirrored wall and pulled out some sheet music he was studying, and Jongup, despite his hangover, went back to dancing. Even hungover as he was he was still a great dancer.

Himchan set the music in his lap and watched the younger man dance. He was truly remarkable. Himchan could only dream of being able to move his body the way Jongup did. He seemed to be in total control of every one of his strong muscles.

Jongup turned into a fast spin and with a loud crack his hand crashed into the mirror. He collapsed down clutching the hand to his chest. Himchan was at his side in mere seconds.

“Are you okay? Let me see it.” Himchan very gently pulled Jongup’s hand away the skin over two of his knuckles had split open and were bleeding. “Stay right here.”

Himchan ran over to the stereo where there was also a first aid kit. Grabbing it he rushed back over to Jongup and began cleaning the wounds.

Jongup flinched when Himchan dab the antibacterial cream across the gashes. “That stings.”

“It’s better than getting an infection,” Himchan grumbled as he reached for some gauze and tape. “You should be more careful.”

“Sorry, hyung.”

When he was finished wrapping it Himchan held Jongup’s hand between his and smiled up at him. “Better?”

“Thank you.” Their eyes locked. Himchan’s heart beat rapidly as he realized just how close together they were. His face was inches from Jongup’s.

Jongup’s hand reached between the two and push a lock of hair back out of Himchan’s face, making Himchan freeze. Jongup’s hand then rested on his shoulder. All they had to do was lean forward slightly and then their mouths would touch, but Himchan stayed in place.

 

* * *

 

Jongup stared into Himchan’s dark eyes. He felt trapped in that moment. The tension between them increasing. His eyes darted down to the older man’s lips and back to his eyes.

Himchan was still under his hand. Completely still.

Jongup felt himself moving closer without thinking. Their lips were a breath apart when the door opened and Jongup pulled back quickly.

Himchan dropped Jongup’s injured hand and turned to the door.

Yongguk entered and looked quizzically at the two on the floor. “Everything ok?” He seemed to focus all of his attention on Himchan like he was trying to communicate something silently.

Himchan shook his head and stood. Jongup watched him carefully trying to pick up what he and Yongguk weren’t saying. “Let’s grab lunch,” Himchan said pulling Yongguk from the room again.

This left Jongup staring down at his wrapped hand.

“What did I just do?”

“Hyung~ let’s go eat!” Junhong was walking towards him but Jongup couldn’t move. “Are you alright?”

“No.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“No.”


	5. Chapter 5

Himchan was quiet as he ate, but his mind was screaming a mile a minute. He couldn’t even begin to process what had just happened or what _would_ have happened before Yongguk had walked into the practice room.

“Are you doing okay? You look like you’re not even here right now.”

“I think Jongup just tried to kiss me.”

Yongguk’s eyes widened. “What do you mean tried? When?”

“In the practice room right before you walked in. I was putting a bandage on his hand and then he touched my face and like started to lean in. I was so freaked out that I couldn’t move at all. Then you walked in and he ran away again.” Himchan threw his chopsticks down. “What the hell is he thinking?”

Yongguk composed himself. “I think the two of you need to talk. I’ll take the kids out tonight and give you some time, and you can’t tell me no.”

“What if it backfires? What if I imagined the whole thing?”

“I don’t think you did. You’re not creative enough for that.” Yongguk smiled at him.

“Rude.”

 

* * *

 

Jongup paced around his room. Youngjae sat on his bed trying to read and ignore Jongup, but failed.

“Alright, what is wrong with you?” Youngjae snapped his book shut and glared at Jongup. “And don’t you dare say nothing.”

Jongup stopped in the middle of the room and stared at Youngjae. How could he possibly tell him what was wrong when he wasn’t even sure himself. “I don’t know… I think…” Jongup wrestle with his brain to form his thoughts into words.

Youngjae’s glare turned to a look of concern. “Are you ok? Did something happen?”

“No! I mean yes, but no at the same time.” Jongup pinched the bridge of his nose trying to focus.

“You realize that makes no sense, right?”

“I know. It’s just that… I don’t know what would have happened if something had.”

“I can’t help you if you’re going be vague.”

Jongup took a deep breath. “I almost ki-”

A knock at the door cut him off. Yongguk pushed into the room and glanced between the two. “Sorry, if I’m interrupting. Youngjae, I need you to come help get food.”

“I went yesterday,” Youngjae complained.

“And you’re going again today. Now come on.” Yongguk waved Youngjae out of the room and then turned to Jongup. “You’re staying. Himchan wants to talk to you.” Jongup stared at him with a mix of confusion and horror on his face.

“Did he say why?” Jongup tried to swallow the knot forming in his throat.

“Yes.” Yongguk didn’t appear to want to say more, and left Jongup alone in the middle of the room.

Ice cold panic washed through Jongup’s veins and he shivered slightly. _You’re fine. It’s just Himchan. You can talk to him._ He tried to convince himself, but couldn’t relax enough to move. _Maybe this is a good thing. He can tell you how crazy you are for trying to kiss him and then everything will be fine._


	6. Chapter 6

Himchan paced around the living room, while Yongguk ushered Daehyun, Youngjae and Junhong out. Before exiting he looked back at Himchan. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Himchan tried to smile, but wasn’t sure if it came out. Yongguk nodded and follow the other out of the dorm.

Now alone Himchan worried even more. _What do I say? Should I just ask him if he meant to try and kiss me?_ Himchan sat on the couch and buried his face in his hands.

“Hyung?” Jongup’s voice was very soft. Himchan looked up to see Jongup standing nervously in the hall. “You wanted to talk?” Jongup wouldn’t meet Himchan’s eyes.

“Yeah. Come sit.” Himchan patted the couch next to him.

“Is it alright if I just stand?”

Himchan nodded. There was a long pause. Neither could look at the other and couldn’t think of what to say.

“Jongup-”

“Hyung, about this morning,” Jongup cut him off. “I- uh… I’m not sure why I did that. It was weird, I know, and I’m sorry.” Jongup rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Himchan just stared at him surprised. _So I didn’t just imagine it._

When Himchan didn’t respond Jongup continued, “Anyway, I won’t let it happen again, so you don’t have to worry about things being-”

“That’s not what I want.” The words surprised both of them. It was the truth but Himchan hadn’t meant to say it so bluntly. “I mean…” Himchan couldn’t find the words to cover what he said. There was nothing he could do to take it back now.

Jongup’s face emptied and he stared blankly at Himchan, waiting. “I just…” Himchan wracked his brain for what to say next. “Jongup how do you feel about me?” Himchan bit his lip.

“Hyung?”

“Ever since we moved back it’s been weird, and you can’t say it hasn’t. When we’re alone… you…” Himchan trailed off not sure where he was going. “Damn it I knew this wasn’t going to be any good.” Himchan covered his face with his hands again.

Himchan flinched when he felt arms wrapping around him. He could feel Jongup’s warm breath on his neck as he whispered, “I like you, Himchan.”

Himchan felt like the world was melting around him. If it weren’t for Jongup’s arms securely around him, he probably would have fallen over. He pulled his arms from between them and hugged Jongup back tightly.

* * *

 

Everything clicked into place in Jongup’s mind when he crossed the room to embrace Himchan. Every touch and feeling suddenly made sense. He was falling for the older man. He wasn’t sure when it started, but he knew it was happening now.

When Himchan returned the embrace, Jongup’s heart began to race. “I like you, too.” Jongup smiled. His whole body felt warm.

They pulled back to look at each other. Himchan cupped Jongup’s left cheek in his hand. Jongup stared straight into the older man’s dark eyes. “Can I kiss you now?” Jongup’s voice sounded weak even to himself.

The smile that broke out on Himchan’s face was breath taking, but not as breath taking as the next moment when he leaned in and Jongup felt his lips on his own. Himchan’s lips were soft and warm. Heat shot through Jongup’s entire body as he lost himself in the feeling of Himchan’s mouth.

All too soon they had to pull away for air. Neither could stop smiling.

“I’m really glad we came back,” Himchan breathed resting his forehead against Jongup’s.

Jongup laughed. “Me too.”


End file.
